being at home in yourself


No, not by: in. The news has brought body dysmorphia into frame because of how much time we spend staring at our own faces on Zoom. I knew this was affecting me personally, so I turned off the function that lets me see myself. But even so, it can be difficult to stay in the present moment and be confident in your own body. That’s why I’ve started a personal practice to be at home in myself.

What Does It Mean?

You’ve probably heard the phrase, “my body is a temple.” My freshman year geometry teacher used to say it, and she added “friends” at the end (because that’s just how she talked). It used to annoy me. What does this have to do with geometry? Spoiler alert — it had nothing to do with geometry. But there is a bit of truth to it.

Of course, I take care of my body and treat it with kindness. I eat whole foods (for the most part) and do yoga and all the things I should be doing. But I’ve been thinking about this idea of what it means to be whole, and to be home. What does home mean to you? Is it a place? Is it a person? What if, instead of any external thing, home is yourself?

Let that marinate for a minute. No matter where you go, you can always find home, because home is you. Home is wherever you are. I don’t know about you, but I find that idea insanely comforting. Even if you’re far away from your physical house, or from the person you feel most comfortable with, you can still be at home.

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Temporary

We don’t treat our bodies as our permanent homes. Our bodies take care of us, remind us of what we need, teach us to listen, to pause, to move… Our bodies are so smart and intuitive that sometimes, we forget we even have bodies. We’re so caught up in the day-to-day movements that we forget to just EXIST. Feel your muscles and bones shifting. Feel your lungs expanding to take in oxygen. Feel your stomach digesting food or your throat swallowing water. Feel your feet on the ground and know that you are home.

It doesn’t matter if people come in and out of your life. And for someone who’s moved around quite a bit lately, it doesn’t matter if your physical space changes all the time. You are home at any given time, with any given person, at any given place. And you should be thanking your body for the privilege to live in it.

Some days, I find it hard to be in my body. But that does not mean I am any less grateful to have it. Because there are so many things I couldn’t experience without the body I have — rollercoasters, the ocean, hiking, a warm cup of coffee, a fluffy cat… Count your blessings today and remember that your body is something to marvel at. Not just because it’s a body, but because you are in it, and you make it beautiful.

some things happen for a reason.


ripple effects.

you decide to go get coffee and sit for awhile at a coffee shop you’ve never been to. you’re nervous to go, but you do it, and you find yourself pleasantly surprised by a friend you haven’t seen in a long time.

you go online to find a book you really want to read and come across a better one that’s cheaper and it’s by an author you’re going to meet in three months.

you speak french and love political journalistic writing and go to a university reception to do those things. you meet a student whose three majors are french, journalism, and politics.

i’m not saying life is perfect, and i’m not saying everything is meant to work out in your favor. i’m saying we, on this beautiful planet, are all interconnected. there’s not necessarily a reason for you to step in the mud, but there might be if the person to help you get your foot unstuck is the love of your life.

we may not have destinies or fates or grand plans, but we definitely find ourselves in situations that simply could not have happened had we not made a decision that led to that point. what things have happened to you that you felt were meant to happen? how would your life be different if they hadn’t happened?

so many pieces of the past make up the lives we have now. the language, the upbringing, the culture, the education, the access to knowledge… life is insanely cumulative. i believe that’s why some people don’t think they can change their lives.

they may be taught, from a young age, that they always fail at everything. the more they’re told so, the more they believe it. then, when they go to do something world-alteringly important, they may chicken out because their fear of failure has been encouraged from a young age. it’s just like water erosion. just a few drops, yes? but enough time passes, and rock disappears forever.

that’s why, too, we think life sucks. a family member passes, and we ask, “why does _____ matter if this happened?” insert god, living, love, passion, growth, trying… whatever the matter seems to be. it’s not the fault of god, life, love, passion, growth, effort, or any other scapegoat you might come up with. because life is cumulative. and if you’re going to tell you that god made all this happen to you, then you’re telling me that this isn’t your life. you’re telling me you’ve made no decisions, chosen no paths, and done absolutely nothing.

we aren’t passive creatures. we have emotions, convictions, desires, fears… we do not go gently into that good night. i’m not saying that your decisions killed your grandparent, but i’m saying the world happens and is going to continue to happen for as long as it does. we don’t even know how long that is.

so because the world is going to continue to happen for an undetermined amount of time, i’m offering up this solution: live. live every day, and never stop living until you’re dead. and then fertilize the earth with your corpse and let the next people live. it’s kinda crappy, that it works this way, but it does, so live a life of living life.

nobody and nothing made this awful thing happen to you, the thing you’re thinking about. it’s not your fault, it’s not god’s, it’s not the person you want to point fingers at… it’s the fact that life goes on. you’ve only got a little bit left, though, so move on from what’s hurting you and let yourself live the rest in peace.

let yourself have peace. ❤

-ellynn